Raving Amicks

As most of you know, not more than a year ago I increased my pet population from one very old dog to one very old dog and two juvenile 3 Striped Mud Turtles. “Juvenile” just means that they’re not finished growing. In fact, when I first opened up the box they were shipped in via overnight mail, both were a tad over an inch long (when measuring the carapace). A year later, and they’re both 2.25 inches long. I fed them too much originally, so they had a growth spurt during the first 7 months. But now they’re on a diet. Ideally, they’ll reach adulthood (4-5 inches long) by the time they’re 5 years old. I’m guessing they’re 2.5 years right now, so not too bad.
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Hey, Fellow Amicks! I hope all has been going well for everyone. Tyler doesn’t really fill me in on the latest details (but is that really surprising?), so for all I know the old home is full of cobwebs and bats and you added five more dogs to the pack. Though I must admit, a pack of eight dogs would be pretty awesome. Who needs cars when you have eight crazy spaniels?

So what’s happened with me? Well, a lot of small, boring details. Nothing that fun. You’re not really missing out on much. Oh, but I did get my first ever 100% written-by-me article published at MSN Shopping last month. It’s not a big revenue-driver, being about container gardening, but it was still exciting to have the opportunity to write about something fun and have it promoted on the MSN homepage last month. In case you’d like to read it (even though it’s designed to sell a product rather than blow your mind), here’s the article: “Itsy Bitsy Gardens.”

Oh, and that title—not mine. Something along the lines of “5 Themed Container Gardens” was apparently too boring. The same goes for “Fall Fashion 2008 Preview” or “Fall Fashion 2008,” which goes live in a few hours under the name “Sneak Peek: Fall Fashion 2008.” But at least this bad boy will most certainly be a huge revenue-driver, and I can soon brag about how I wrote an article read by x thousand people that made xx thousand dollars.

And also because I have a lot of free time at work again, I was reading this fascinating article about Google twins (people with the same name found via Google searches) in the Seattle Times. In the article, there is a link to a website that calculates how many people share your name in the U.S.: www.howmanyofme.com. Of course, I couldn’t resist (I dare you to resist).

The results…drum roll

HowManyOfMe.com

There is 1 person with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

But rather than feeling very proud, I feel a bit sheepish. This means that every time someone wants to Google-stalk me, all the results will be me and only me. And that’s a little weird, especially when I see some of the links out there. Like, some supposed teacher used my poem (a quick little exercise poem, no less) for their class in February? Or that strange new age place that jacked one of my articles, making it look like I wrote for them. And then there’s that Pirates of Dark Water petition to release my beloved cartoon to DVD…um, ha ha ha!

I guess I’m mostly wary because I’ve already had one problem after being Google-stalked before a job interview last year. The interviewer found my biography on my portfolio website and completely and utterly misconstrued an innocent sentence about how I was much happier when I switched from being an art history major to an English major; she somehow thought that I loathed the University of Washington. I can only imagine what that woman thought about my Pirates of Dark Water for DVD release petition: “This person advocates software piracy!”

But on the flip side, at least I’m not an emerging writer who shares the same name as someone who writes sleazy romance novels. Sadly, such is the fate of my fellow contractor:

As previously mentioned, a friend visited for the weekend and broke in our new futon frame. She also brought me lots of tasty Mexicans as a thank you gift. Well, to be honest, the tasties weren’t Mexican people as much as Mexican foodstuffs. My friend, being Mexican and having grown up in Mexico for part of her childhood, brought with her an interesting sampling of snacks she enjoyed as a child (and some that she still enjoys as an adult).

Having grown up in Whitey McWhiteville of Cow County, I have had little exposure to Mexican culture and proper Mexican food. And man, the stuff she brought sure is fun to sample.

Not only did she bring me the Mexican hot chocolate (Abuelita) of which I have recently become addicted, she also came bearing many more tasties. These included Pulparindos made from tamarind pulp with a hearty slathering of spicy chili powder, strange frosting packets of doom called Duvalins (with an accent somewhere in there), round wafer sandwiches with sweetened goat milk called Obleas, salted prunes straight from the devil’s anus, and some other stuff we have yet to try (the Barritas pina, and Bimbuneuelos—again, with accents somewhere in there).

We’ve broken into the Pulparindos and frosting packets of doom, as well as the nasty devil’s anus salt prunes. So far, I’ve been beating Tyler back from the Pulparindos. They not only seem to be his favorite of what we’ve tried, but they also make a great work snack for me. We both like the Obleas, but I find eating an entire wafer a bit much as sweetened goat milk is—well—very sweet and goaty. I can’t really describe it better than that without banging my head against a wall for a bit and then staring at a motionless keyboard for a bit more. The Duvalins are a okay for straight-up frosting packets of doom, and it’s somewhat amusing that the manufacturer included plastic “spoons” that would do better outfitting a doll house kitchen than feeding my gapping maw. As for the devil’s anus salt prunes…well, they earned that name for a reason. Let’s just say that one not-so-innocent little prune requires at least two glasses of water—if you’re lucky. And no amount of forewarning can prepare you of the nasty that is the devil’s anus salt prune.

Good Design is Green

Most of my genius ideas happen in one of two places: while in the shower, and while bored to tears when waiting for the bus. On Monday, while I was bored to tears when waiting for the bus, I was hit by one of my genius ideas. The idea? I’m convinced that a key part of being eco-friendly relies heavily on good design. Dieter, take note (even though most of this is a joke).

I shall use my current place of employment as an example. I know, I know. It’s just too easy to poke fun at them since everyone knows their design is horrific—be it program interfaces or hardware. But don’t worry, I’ll take my example a step higher than the easy-to-make-fun-of products they create. I’ll take it to the women’s bathroom!

Let’s begin our journey at the very essence of the women’s bathroom: the stall. And more specifically, the toilet. Women, you see, have the misfortune of needing disposable paper toilet seat covers to do any of their business. And trust me, if you’ve seen some of the people I work with, you’d definitely not take your chances without the seat covers.

Herein lies the problem: the toilet seats at my current place of employment are sharply curved so as to point immediately inwards to the bowl. These aren’t the standard toilet seats found in a typical home, mind you. They are special poorly designed grade A utility seats. These seats are so special in their poor design that when I place said disposable seat cover on the seat, it slides down into the toilet bowl. I must then attempt to place another seat cover across that foul curved seat of environmental doom, trying to position it just right so it does not join it’s comrade in the bowl. If I’m lucky, this might work. Most of the time, however, the second cover will quickly slip down the angled seat and crumble into the watery abyss. And often the third. And sometimes the fourth. I must continue to place seat cover after seat cover until the covers already crumpled in the bowl provide enough of a buttress to keep the last one in place. Then, and only then, am I free to use the toilet for my bodily needs.

Think of all this waste! Anywhere from two to five toilet seat covers must be wasted before I can safely use the toilet! (more…)

1. They now use real cane sugar in their sodas.
2. They started in Canada.
3. They are headquartered in Seattle.
4. They are a small company that treats their employees well.
5. They print a rotation of customer-submitted photos on their bottles.
6. The founder/CEO recommends people drink less soda, saying: “Soda’s a treat, not a food group.”

In short: They’re an awesome company. Support awesome companies. Oh, and here’s an article from today’s Seattle Times that increased my already present love for the company and inspired this post.